I've spent way too much time thinking recently. I'm back to my old habits of over analyzing everything and second guessing myself on every little thing. I feel like each day is yet another round in a continual battle with myself. I feel like I’ve lost my direction and purpose. I keep trying to remember why I am out here, what it is that I am working towards. I am just feeling opposition. I thought I was ready for this. I thought I had prepared the best I could and planned for the rough spots on the road ahead. I’m learning more and more that I am not as prepared as I thought. My wish right now would be to return home, rally again, and take another go at it after more preparation. I’m tired of fighting myself and I’m just plain tired more of the time. I feel the absence of my “support group” back home and I am unprepared for how homesick I am.
My intentions when coming out here were to shine. I know that I have sparkled at least occasionally but I can’t help but think that I have denied others and myself the opportunity of getting know me and seeing me grow. I guess I am in need to some good fertilizer.
My intentions when coming out here were to shine. I know that I have sparkled at least occasionally but I can’t help but think that I have denied others and myself the opportunity of getting know me and seeing me grow. I guess I am in need to some good fertilizer.
2 comments:
I've read this post several times, Steph. You are a star. I hope you believe that strong!
I'm anxious for you to get home to AR.
I remember when Kyle was at Boise State last year. He was so homesick and kept begging to come home. I kept encouraging him and saying he had to stick it out to the end of the semester. Now that he stayed in Vancouver for school this year, he tells me how much he misses his friends in Boise.
Hang in there!! You have lots of people who love you and are rooting for you!
Post a Comment